I have been fairly silent about the passage of disappointing ballot initiatives in California, Florida, and Arizona, restricting the marriage rights of queer people in those states.  I have been silent on this because until recently, the issue of marriage equality was, quite frankly, not that important to me.  I realize that that sentiment might have made me a little unpopular in the queer community. 

Let me be clear.  I love the queer community.  Deeply.  I am a queer rights activist through and through.  I have done the hard work of organizing in this community, of helping others find their voice to stand up to the machinations of the radical right, of rallying and petitioning and phone banking and canvassing.  I have met the most amazing and beautiful people I have ever known through the work of this movement.  I owe my confidence, my development as a leader, my dearest friends, and so much more to this movement.  In a very real way, I owe my life to this movement. 

When I say that marriage equality was not important to me, I do not mean to denigrate the efforts of the talented and dedicated activists that work tirelessly in its pursuit.  What I mean to say is that this is a false fight that we are occupying our time with.  This whole debate is just another one of the afore-mentioned machinations of the radical right.  Let's be real: conservative leaders DO NOT CARE about this debate.  They have, however, very cleverly used marriage equality as a wedge issue to drive the American people farther and farther apart. 

Claiming their concern for the "sanctity of marriage" kills two birds with one stone for conservative leaders.  The Christian right feels as though their issues and their beliefs are being acted upon by conservatives, and so they whole-heartedly support them.  The queer and queer-allied left feels that a great wrong is perpetrated, and busies itself with rectifying it, spending precious time and money laboring to defeat ballot initiatives and to question the constitutionality of restrictive laws in court.  The second part of this plan is especially clever: while we are distracted with the marriage equality fight, we are kept on the defensive and limited in our capacity to push a truly progressive agenda for equality forward.  Brilliant.

While we are struggling against initiatives that conservative leaders don't actually care that much about, we are kept from putting our full efforts behind a truly inclusive federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act, behind hate crimes legislation, behind efforts to legalize adoption in queer families.  We are kept from adequately allying ourselves with the racial justice movement, from fighting for environmental justice, from supporting access to education and housing, from fixing this horrible economy.  What I mean to say when I say that marriage equality was not important to me is this: we have bigger fish to fry.

That being said, I will be in California this Saturday, November 15, the national day of action against the passage of Proposition 8.  And I will sure as hell be among those gathered to protest Prop 8, a slap in the face to all of those who work for equality.  Before this election cycle, I would not have been there.  While I still believe that marriage equality should not be the sole focus of the fight for equality, it is clear to me now that we cannot stand idly by while our rights are slowly chipped away for someone else's political gain.  I will be there because I care about my community, and because I can feel the deep hurt that pervades that community today.  I will be there because one day, marriage equality will be an incredibly important issue to me--so I will fight today.  I will be there because I hope and dream that one day I will find someone who I care enough about to call my husband.  And I will be there because I am SO OVER the tired-ass religious rhetoric that the right uses to support their efforts to curtail equality. 

Here's the thing.  The religious arguments in favor of so-called "marriage protection" measures are wack.  The simple truth is that you cannot create policy on the basis of religion, at least not in the United States.  The United States is a representative democracy, not a theocracy.  The day that Congress disbands, the White House is emptied, the Supreme Court demolished, and a Grand National Church erected from which a Christian king rules, is the day that it is acceptable to base policy on religious (specifically conservative Christian) belief.  Luckily for those of us who don't call ourselves Christian, this is not the case.

We live in a pluralistic society founded on the idea of freedom of religion.  Creating policy from the pulpit is simply un-American.  The imposition of the religious beliefs of one subgroup of people on everyone else is utterly heinous.  I don't mean to imply that the Church should not define marriage as a religious institution.  The Church absolutely has the right to not recognize marriage in queer families.  That is guaranteed by the Constitution in the First Amendment.  No (intelligent) queer activist will tell you otherwise.  I do, however, applaud sects such as the Episcopalian Church, which has stood in solidarity with queer activists and affirmed marriage equality and the ordination of queer clergy.  But no law affirming marriage rights for queer families would force the Church or any of its sects to recognize those marriages or to perform them (regardless of the right's constant lies that it would).

I don't talk about my own faith very much.  For me, it is a deeply personal and private relationship with the Divine.  That relationship has no place in books of law or positioning itself between someone and how they define their happiness.  There are many policies that directly conflict with my religious beliefs, among them the freshly passed changes to the constitutions of California, Florida, and Arizona.  My religion teaches that love between two people--regardless of their gender identity--is absolutely sacred, a reflection of the love of the Divine.  My God supports marriage equality. 

Yet I don't bring my religious beliefs to the table when I discuss this contentious issue.  Because my religious beliefs do not apply to anyone else but me.  Unfortunately, the right can only guarantee the vote of conservative Christians if they use their religious beliefs to manipulate them.  It's a damn shame.   

Please, it's time to act.  If you care about equality.  If you care about justice.  If you believe that the American Dream is not reserved for the privileged few.  Find a rally near you.  Raise your voice.  Join us.  To paraphrase Assata Shakur's beautiful words, "It is our duty to fight.  It is our duty to win.  We must love each other and protect each other.  We have nothing to lose but our chains." 

Thank you.