Today marks the 10th annual international Transgender Day of Remembrance - a day set aside to remember the trans and gender non-conforming people who have met a tragic and violent end in the past year.

As a trans man, I struggled with what I wanted to write in this blog today. I read the words and reflections of some of my other trans friends, and heard the anger and sadness that so many of us feel when we realize that the world is not a safe place for everyone to be open about who they are.

(TDOR in Tel-Aviv last year)

I am outraged when I read down the list of distant family I have lost over the course of this year, and realize yet again that it is primarily comprised of women of color.

I am disheartened to read that in the US, more transgender and gender non-conforming people were killed in the year 2008 than in 2006 and 2007 combined.

I am baffled to read that New York City - the place I call home and take part in a thriving trans community - tops the list for the most recorded deaths.

I am heartbroken when I realize that a disproportionate amount of homeless youth are trans or gender non-conforming.

In a world that tells trans and gender non-conforming people that we are better off dead than being our authentic selves, our allies are such an important resource.

So what can you do?

Educate yourself. There are so many online resources for trans allies. Learn what terms are useful when talking about people of trans experience, and which ones are generally considered dated or even offensive. The GLAAD media reference guide can be a helpful tool.

Be respectful. If someone asks you to refer to them using specific pronouns, do so. This is the easiest, simplest way to be an ally. If you hear others referring to that person in ways they do not prefer, gently correct them, even if that person is not in your presence.

Don't ask questions you wouldn't want anyone to ask you. Seems simple enough, but it's surprising how many questions I have fielded about the state of my genitals or chest, about how my family is "handling" things, what restroom I use, what name my parents gave me when I was born, and so on and so forth from people I've literally just met. This is not respectful, and it essentially tells me that you are not someone I can trust.

Mourn with us. The pain that trans and gender non-conforming people feel as we navigate through societies that are unfriendly at best and unlivable at worst is tangible and real. There are vigils and services all over the country tonight to honor those who have been killed. Find one near you here.

Get involved. Find an organization that is doing trans advocacy work and get plugged in. Turn that energy into action and create some change for those of us who so desperately need it.